Psychotic Things “Some” Girls Do Guys Have No Clue About

No. I didn’t “stalk’ every aspect of your social media, you’re not that important. BUT, I did take an in-depth look for scientific research. Quick question though, that girl you tweeted April 23rd 2013, who is she? Listed are some things girls do. We don’t like to admit it, because we don’t want to be crazy. Who’s to call us crazy if no one ever finds out?

Keeping Tabs On The Event He’s At
Keeping it strictly to an Instagram and Twitter based stalking isn’t enough these days. We need to go much further and get details about what he’s doing, where he’s at, who he’s with, and all without him knowing. Whether it’s texting one of his guy friends asking him “Hey! How’s the night going?”, checking their snapchat stories, or knowing a gal pal is out and about at the same place, naturally gracing her with the ever so nonchalant questions:

“Is he talking to any girls?”

“Who’s he with?”

“Are the girls there pretty?”

“Are there girls prettier than me there?”


harry styles gifDrivebys
Not really though. I think the only person who has drove by a potential baes house was our mothers back in the 1980s after their bae didn’t pick up his in car phone box, and after their mother answered the house phone when they called the first time. Today we’re a little sneakier. We have a friend drive by while we duck down in the passenger seat, or have a friend text him too see if he responds. We may not be there, but oh we sure as hell are present. HA. Most men’s reactions to a statement like this are “That’s crazy, I’d never be with a girl like that”. Followed by us trying ever to hard to be ever so innocent and surprised “Yeah that’s crazy, what kind of girl would do that?” Man oh man, if you only knew what your girlfriend did before she was your girlfriend. 

jonah hill channing

21 jump street

 The Picture After Picture After Picture
You basically went on his Instagram to see what he’s into- BUT somehow ended up on his moms, third cousins, grandmas, dogs, Instagram page. But still, not crazy … Right? It only counts if he finds out, or if you like any photo past 6 weeks. You stalk his photos, stalk whoever is tagged in his photos. Stalk tagged photos of him, and the people who posted them? Oh yes.. you stalk them also. Only because you’ve got to see what kind of people he’s surrounded by. You want to know what you’re getting yourself into, right? And you also kinda wanna see who that girl is he posted a cozy looking picture with from 5 weeks ago is. Still not crazy, I swear!

i see all

Time Stamps
It’s been about an hour since he’s texted you back last. Naturally, he could just honestly be busy. Do you know who I am? Who is ever too busy for me? You give him a couple more minutes. Probably thinking to yourself “He better be dead or something, and if he’s not, he might just be soon”. You’re smarter than that. You check to see what he’s liking on instagram, or if his snapchat story has been updated recently. Basically anything to feed your own fire. “Whatever, not my fault he’s an idiot”. You’re constantly checking every time step trying to see if its before, or after your last received text, facetime call or snapchat. But you’re not the crazy one here. If he thinks he can lie and say his phones dead, he was busy, or didn’t have it on him.. clearly he’s the crazy one. Right?

jen annistonspong bob

To anyone reading this post, it’s not from personal experience, nor is it healthy behaviour. You know it, and I know it.. and obviously your man knows it (probably not though). Heads up, I’m usually the friend driving the car while I’ve got some dumbass ducking for their life in the passenger seat. But if he doesn’t find out- what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt. Righhhhhhht. 

Happy Fri-yay! Enjoy the weekend, make good decisions, and stay safe! 

Brittany Peretin



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